Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
home. puking in laundry basket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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