Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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