This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
