I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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