he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize