Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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