Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
