I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
