The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
