he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
