For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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