This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
