During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
