Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
