were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
