Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
