JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
