Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
