My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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