We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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