Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
