Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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