After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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