I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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