I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I could make wine with my vomit
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
