I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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