Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
