Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
