Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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