Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
