Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
