Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
