quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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