If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
