Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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