Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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