I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
