im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
