if you like me you must not know who I am
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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