oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
