I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
