I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
