Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
