Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
