The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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