Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
