Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
