I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize