yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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