I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
