TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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