Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
