Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
