I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
