You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
