and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
