My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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