Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
