One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
