my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
