I wish I could punch you in the face.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
