These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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