I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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