I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
