I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
