Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
