I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
