Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
