I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
