So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
