Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
