think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
