At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
