ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
