I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
