You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
