i think my mom watched the whole time
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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