I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
