i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
