If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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