Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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