so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
