I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
