My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize